worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
