I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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