ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
