I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
