Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
