Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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