did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize