goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
