How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
