Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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