You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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