so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
