I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
