Christians are straight up FREAKS
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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