At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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