I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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