What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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