you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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