You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
