Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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