Having a random hookup so left but love u
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
