It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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