We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
