apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
