The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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