Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize