Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
