I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
