Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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