I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
