just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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