dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
