I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
