It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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