that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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