I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
