Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
