thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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