Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
