i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
