So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
