I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
