We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
