i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
