Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
