so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
