I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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