I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize