What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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