the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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