Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
