I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
