I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
