I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize