I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
