Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
