Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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