I want to have your abortion
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
