I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
