it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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