Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
