He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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