why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
