Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i now understand why vodka
Pants are for mortals
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize