Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
