i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
