oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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