You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
