And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
