apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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