Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
