My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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