when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize