I think my vagina is haunted
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
