Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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