I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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