she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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