Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am available for nakedness
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
