I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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