My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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