At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
