I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
