Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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