DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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